Mon 17 Nov 2008
Sometimes it is hard having a large family. Many young women feel that the hard part is being pregnant and having nursing babies and toddlers always around. Come to think of it that does sound daunting!
On the flip side, when the children start flying away it happens just as fast. The seismic shift in family life can leave gaping holes. But when the dust is settled, something amazing usually takes place. Everyone moves up a notch. Maturity levels rise. Relationships change and blossom. A child who was content to be under the radar is suddenly a leader. I have seen this happen over and over again but it is always a source of surprise and encouragement to me.
Having been in the race for so long, I sometimes visualize myself at the end. It helps me to remember that if I only had Andrew and Alex I would feel like I was at the beginning of the journey. Their fresh, eager little faces keep me motivated to finish the race faithful and strong. I want my age and experience to be a benefit to those little guys rather than the drag it sometimes seems. It would be so easy to say, “been there, done that,” and move on to fresh pursuits and interests. It would be easy to not read the Little House series aloud for the 4th time. It would be easy to let increasing technopoly rob them of a simple childhood, to let them become, what so many other little boys are today, addicted to gaming. (I am hoping in coming days to discuss homeschooling & poetic knowledge once again.)
But homeschooling and child training are not hobbies for me. They are my calling*. If I was purposeful and eager 25 years ago I want to be ever so much more so today. It is going to take a lot more prayer and way more caffeine. I have lost a whole boatload of naivete. I came pre-loaded with more than my fair share. I have gained a wagon load of caution. But I am not so jaded that I don’t see the wonders God has performed in my family.
3 John 1:4 says it all: “I have no greater joy than to see my children walk in the truth.”
Putting no confidence in the flesh, Please God, let me finish the race.
* Meaning I know that they aren’t a calling for everyone.
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Funny. I was just thinking about how much more coffee I drink than I did when I had only one or two children…
Thank you for the encouragement to be faithful. I could totally see myself cheating the last two because I’m tired of some things after doing them with the first two!
Comment by Brandy (November 17, 2008 @ 1:46 pm )
Great post and encouragement. I am so with you. My problem right now is forgetting to pass certain knowledge to the younger ones because I have already gone over it twice with two older groups of children. I should have made a manual as I went along, but I never dreamed I’d be having children until I was 40!
Comment by Laura (November 17, 2008 @ 1:49 pm )
Another favorite verse to compliment your choice and encourage all of us is James 1:2
Count it all joy….
You have been a joy to me, Cindy. May the Lord grant you an extra dose of energy today.
Blessings fm GA
Comment by Dana (November 17, 2008 @ 2:22 pm )
Uh-oh, I only have small children and I’m already overloaded on caffeine.
Comment by Mystie (November 17, 2008 @ 2:39 pm )
What a beautiful reminder, Cindy! Thanks!
Chris in NM
Comment by Chris in NM (November 17, 2008 @ 2:48 pm )
Amen and Amen. I keep thinking these same thoughts. I am the last of the children in my family and I can attest to the fact that the parents get tired and distracted when they get to their last ones. The “gravitational pull” to drift away is amazing. I pray all the time that the Lord will keep my heart as a full-time mom until my last (a 9yo) is an adult. By full-time mom I mean that I know that a mom can be home, but her heart’s not really in it anymore.
Then I want my heart to be a full-time Grandma.
I, too, find that I forget to pass on things to the younger set that I communicated so passionately to the olders. A good thing there is that I have been asking my olders…what did I teach you that shaped your life, what would you regret not having been taught? They’ve been very helpful and revealing.
Comment by Gail (November 17, 2008 @ 4:41 pm )
I smiled at this being at the beginning with my littlest, waiting for a new addition soon, nearing the end with my two oldest and drinking A LOT of coffee. When the boys were small, I could stay up reading, cleaning and doing crafts until 1am, then hop out of bed at 6am and go run 3 miles. Um, not anymore. :o)
I pray that even if I can’t do physically the same things the second time around, that the Lord will sustain me and give me the strength to persevere and not grow weary emotionally of giving my whole heart to the task He has prepared in advance for me to do; it is a good work. Thank you for these wise words. Keep the reminders coming…
Comment by Lisa W. (November 17, 2008 @ 5:48 pm )
It’s interesting to hear the perspective from the other end of mothering; my three are small, and sometimes the thought of the large family I really, truely hope to have is vastly overwhelming…
Comment by Paula (November 17, 2008 @ 7:39 pm )
One thing I am trying to do is to listen to my older children when they tell me what I’m doing “wrong” with the younger set. My older kids are in their twenties-at least two of them are- and I think they have enough discernment to see that I’ve become way more lax (tired???) than when they were younger. They tell me I don’t spank as much anymore. They tell me (complain??) that they worked much harder as youngsters than my young ones do now. I should probably take it more to heart rather than just laughing them off! After all, they turned out pretty good!
My biggest problem isn’t so much that I feel as though I’ve “been there, done that” but rather that I’m OH SO TIRED! And I still have a two-year old! I have a long way to go! I had better pray for strength. I will be in my 50’s when she turns 10! But God knew that when he sent her my way when I was 42! God never makes mistakes and his strength is perfected in our weakness.
Comment by LInda (November 17, 2008 @ 9:23 pm )
Another thought I just had. I mentioned in the above post that I have a long way to go with “training up” my children. While that is true, it also saddens and kind of scares me when I think of the race “ending”. What will I do??
Comment by LInda (November 17, 2008 @ 9:26 pm )
Thanks for these thoughts, Cindy. They’re so encouraging.
I’m finding, now that our oldest is married and out of the nest, our second oldest daughter is stepping up to the plate (forgive the sports metaphor, I’m not sure where it came from!). People ask my how I’m adapting to Anna being gone and I must say it’s pretty nice having more time and energy for the middles (the littles are still cute enough to make them easy).
I also appreciate my internet connection for adult conversation, although my high school aged kids are getting pretty interesting.
While I don’t spank as much, I’m learning more about how the gospel works on a daily basis as I raise my kids. My older kids are thankful for that, too. And I’m learning how to depend on the Lord more and more. The tiredness makes dependence more urgent (I don’t think that’s the right word, but I’ve got a nasty cold and don’t think I can find the right word right now).
To those of you at the beginning of this journey: it goes by in a flash of lightning. I have no idea how my kids got so big. Take time to enjoy them and make those memories. It’s so easy to think that ‘this’ is how life will always be - the amount of work, the lack of adult conversation, the mountains of laundry. But as you teach your kids to work (for example: my kids start doing laundry at about age 5 or 6 - just don’t use chlorine bleach so there can’t be any disasters; my 7 and 9 year olds are frying eggs for breakfast as I type this), the load will get a bit easier. Don’t worry about the dust. The dust will be there long after the kids are grown and you can dust then if you still feel like it.
God’s grace truly is sufficient for each child he sends. He doesn’t give us children and then walk away while we figure it out. He walks with us through every step of the journey. And the journey is much better than we deserve.
Comment by Lynne (November 18, 2008 @ 12:21 pm )
Gosh, I didn’t realize that was so long! I should’ve just posted it to my own blog! Sorry to hijack your comments!
Comment by Lynne (November 18, 2008 @ 12:23 pm )
Lynne,
I remember being that second daughter “stepping up to the plate” after my older sister left home–I had never taken much responsibility for family things; I think largely because the oldest was sooo responsible I felt somewhat smothered. When she left home there was a vacuum that needed to be filled and I did my best. It was really nice to feel needed.
Comment by Paula (November 18, 2008 @ 2:54 pm )
Best post ever. Don’t know why, just was.
Thanks, I needed that.
Comment by Mandy (November 18, 2008 @ 11:05 pm )
Thanks for this, I needed to hear it. I’m seeing some positive things in 3rd son which seem to be triggered by his oldest brother (and best friend) marrying and moving away. I’m still so in the trenches with that one, though, it’s hard to see the positive. Thank you again for the reminder of Who I do this for.
Comment by Margaret in VA (November 19, 2008 @ 10:09 am )
I will not have that experience of having raised a large family over the long haul, but I can appreciate it in those who do. They do grow up fast! And I really liked your last paragraph.
Comment by Laura A (November 21, 2008 @ 8:02 pm )