Dominion Family

Fri 9 Nov 2007

34 Comments

1. LOL on the forgetting a lot. When young moms ask for advice on getting children to obey, I must confess my first thought (in the back of my mind) has been “just make them do it”. I know that is supremely unhelpful and not what I would have wanted to hear when I was younger but time has erased a lot of the details. And I only have 4 children, the youngest of whom is almost 7.

   For something more helpful, my babies/toddlers spent a lot of time on my lap while we read or did school work. They would colour (aka scribble) on a spare piece of paper. The sink is fun. Once there were two of them together, then they could come up with their own activities, often involving lots of mess. My older ones will not believe me when I tell them that they used to create the same types of messes. But they did and they don’t now. They just leave dishes & apple cores everywhere.

   I think I am finally figuring out most of the English kings and where they fit. I was even able to remember yesterday that Erasmus was a contemporary of Luther and therefore not a contemporary of Shakespeare. Not something I had a clue about in school (Erasmus who?). Homeschooling has been a blessing to me as well as to my kids.

   Comment by Juanita (November 9, 2007 @ 10:11 am )

2. Cindy, I was a lot like you! We went on “nature walks” often. I also read aloud to the children throughout the day, and for a long period at night before bedtime. We always kept a little table with paper and crayons in the family room and my children made a lot of artwork. They didn’t have many toys, but they always had paper and crayons!

   And every day, unless it was raining, no matter how hot or how cold it was, I shooed the children outside to play in the yard. Now to hear them talk about it you’d think I shoved them out the door, locked it, and left them to mope disconsolately in a small patch of dirt for most of the day, but *I* remember looking out at them and seeing them build “houses” by raking pinestraw into outlines of rooms, and fighting with swords of sticks, and building makeshift bridges across the creek, and making tunnels and forts in the snow.

   Meanwhile, I had the baby and toddler inside with me. And my babies lived in my arms or lap until the next baby arrived. Naps or “quiet time” in the afternoons were a must, and the older ones had to take turns watching the baby while I prepared supper.

   I’m not creative, and didn’t do interesting projects with them, but about once a month my husband would take a few kids into the kitchen on a Saturday and would let them help him make bread or cinnamon rolls.

   We also seemed to get a lot more schoolwork done more quickly than we do now with everyone older.

   Comment by Laura D. (November 9, 2007 @ 10:20 am )

3. Hi Cindy,
   Great one. I have 5 kids at home….(I also have two older step sons who are now out of the house). I had our five in just under 7 years!! It was crazy but also more fun than anything when they were little- escpecially before we started schooling. Once we started that threw just a little cog in the plan. My youngest is still just 4, so I am not too far away to remember some of the details….but better catch me before they all pour out the other end of my brain!! There were three things that really helped during those young years: 1. I read to them TONS - not little bitty books, although we did those too- but long, great books that I enjoyed as well. I remember reading The Little House series when I was pregnant and had a 4, 3, and a 2 year old - the two year old would hang in there until he fell asleep for his nap…the other two loved it. We had days (especially in the book The Long Winter) when we just could NOT put it down. I still believe it is the best thing that I ever did - my kids are all articulate and LOVE reading. That is the best advice I give mothers with littles. 2. I came up with a “schdule” which is really more like a list of activities for each day. I did this because I realized that if I let the littles do their own thing (which was easier at the time),I ended up with one huge mess and serious frustration….the sink IS fun they discovered - however, a flooded bathroom is not!! I also saw that I started to have an authority problem letting them be their “own bear”. 3. I trained them to sit still. We practiced every day with the first three (unfortunately I did not do as well with the next ones). They were able to cheerfully sit still indefinitely. The great thing about that is I knew that if I told them to sit there and read a book or play quietly with one little toy, they would do it until I told them they could get up….saved Mom a lot of frustration at places like the post office when we encountered a long line.

   Okay, not that anyone cares what I think, but I thought that if anyone was looking for some suggestions, mabye that will help!!
   Karen

   Comment by Karen Dunham (November 9, 2007 @ 10:35 am )

4. Laura,
   I thoroughly enjoyed holding my babies. I held them so much that they were perfectly happy getting away from me when they were older

   Comment by Cindy (November 9, 2007 @ 10:47 am )

5. Karen,
   My husband always says you teach them to sit at church at home not at church. Our MT accomplished the idea of sitting for long periods of time everyday. During all the Bible, singing, memory work etc they are sitting. When I begin reading aloud the really little people could play with cars etc or draw in their nature notebooks. I do think it is very important to teach them to sit for long periods of time.

   If you read to them and they must stay they learn to love the book even if they are very young.

   Comment by Cindy (November 9, 2007 @ 10:52 am )

6. If it’s any consolation, we never did the crafty stuff either. The closest I came to that was making that cool playdough (with salt, cream of tartar, flour, and water) every once in a while. I would throw in whatever color of food coloring we had available, and the boys would play for hours at the table, armed only with large toothpicks, straws, and Playmobile guys. The playdough stayed nice in the fridge for quite a while, too. And, I have two of the most creative kids I know!

   Comment by Kathleen (November 9, 2007 @ 11:33 am )

7. Karen D. pretty much covered it!

   Same sit still rules in our home.

   Naps are a MUST.

   Routine meal times and snacks.

   Rotate special toys. Ruthanne is amazing at this. I was very hit or miss but it did help.

   Play-doh. It’s worth the mess. I think.

   Scissors and constrution paper. Ditto.

   Play time in room, alone, with gate up. No, not all day.

   Yikes, my baby is 5.

   Comment by Janet (November 9, 2007 @ 11:54 am )

8. I find myself in an unusual situation in that I thought all my kids were growing up ~ I’ve got kids from 21 all the way down to 5. Then came Katie. She is 1 1/2 now, and I’m realizing just how much I have forgotten from those earlier years! (But then again, I don’t think I knew what to do then, either. Cindy hit the nail on the head when she said you just “muddle” through with toddlers!) I set up a schedule broken into half-hour segments for the other kids to have a “Katie-time”. They must play with her, read to her, take her outside, WHATEVER it takes! As long as I remember to enforce the schedule, it works quite well. Actually, she doesn’t always enjoy being with the 5-year-old as much as with the others for some strange reason.

   Comment by Linda (November 9, 2007 @ 1:23 pm )

9. Yes, the blessed quiet time in the afternoon: a lifesaver, and it helps you muddle through.

   I love your posts like this Cindy…you keep it real and simple.

   Comment by Andrea (November 9, 2007 @ 1:34 pm )

10. Thank you Cindy, for permission to muddle. I am not exactly young–but my children are! They stretch from 9yrs to 17 weeks (5dc). The website Preschoolers and Peace helped me tremendously-she employs your MT technique–just calls it Circle Time.
    Wendy

    Comment by wendy (November 9, 2007 @ 2:07 pm )

11. Great post Cindy! I have forgotten a lot too, now that my youngest is 11. One funny thing for me is I was always one of the youngest of all of my friends when the girls were little… and though time is passing… I forget that I am aging(and forgetting). It’s happening to Gene also. The other night he began to relate a witnessing encounter he had and he started by saying, “There were these three older women…” He suddenly stopped and said, “Ya know, I think they were my age!” (he’s very old… he’s 46)

    Back to little ones, my biggest piece of advice would be to cherish every day, because it will go by so quickly and you won’t have any little noses to wipe, or booboos to fix. I am blessed that my girls will still try to curl up in my lap… though they are nearly as tall as I am (don’t they know that won’t work). I think I miss the innocence of younger childhood and the look they have when they make a new discovery. Recently we were watching a family video of the girls when Hannah was 4, (she’s 14 & 3/4 now). She had a roly-poly in her hand and was asking me to open it for her(no, I didn’t commit roly-poly murder). I was astonished that I didn’t remember anything on that video… it was also heartbreaking to realize that so many precious moments have slipped away forever somewhere in the recesses of my memory.

    So the advice from this not so old woman would be to make memories; treasure and record them, because if you don’t they will slip away.

    Comment by Lora K. (November 9, 2007 @ 2:36 pm )

12. I have a little different situation: An only child. But before you hit me, I’ll say it’s got its own challenges, like the pressure to get things right because you’ll never get another chance. And those long, long hours (especially in December in NY) almost completely alone. And finagling to get other kids in the house now and then so yours can learn to share and play games. (Other kids are so busy these days!)

    We never did elaborate crafts, either. The best things are the simplest, with imagination being the main ingredient–boxes, paper and crayons, blocks, dressing up in old scarves. One thing we used to do in GA in the summer was to get a cheap paintbrush and a glass of water, and my daughter was allowed to sit on the porch and “paint” into the concrete. It dried and cleaned itself up.

    Oh, and we got piles of books from the library, and would sit and read. I still remember that fondly. Maybe my child is different from some, because she would always sit and listen, even if she didn’t want to read herself. I always let her do something with her hands if she liked (doodle, playdough, etc.), as long as it wasn’t distracting to either of us. Eventually she got over some eye strain problems (around age 8-9) and now she loves hard books.

    And please write down what your little ones say and do, even if it’s on a napkin. If you have a large family, the older children can do it for the younger. My daughter’s friend did it for her little brother and sister. You’ll be glad you did.

    Comment by Laura A (November 10, 2007 @ 7:37 am )

13. I still remember when my oldest two were small and we were taking our daily walk - a must- we stopped by a neighbor’s house for some reason. She came to the door dressed up as a wolf (in a costume that she had made). Her children were dressed (also in costumes she made) as the 3 little pigs and they were acting that story out. I walked home feeling I was doomed to failure as a mom, because not only did I not do anything like that, but I didn’t even WANT to.

    I’m jealous Cindy of your foresight to start MT so long ago. Because of pressure from family who were not supportive of our choice, pressure from myself and really not thinking deliberately I was determined to prove that my children would succeed in homeschooling. So I put them into a very rigorous curriculum with everyone on different levels, in different books etc. I did manage to impress family (well at least some of them) with my children’s progress, but all I created at home was a mini public school with Bible thrown on top (well ok we used Christian textbooks too). Taking care of toddlers with that kind of schedule was awful and my house was full of a lot of stress. My encouragement to young moms is Don’t Do That!! I did always read to my kids and take them on walks and outside play daily - probably what saved us from doom.

    God was gracious though and over the years as I have changed our schooling is so much less stressful. It is still hard to take care of toddlers, but it does pass quickly. I did for several years do what Linda suggested and divided up time into 1/2 hour blocks for the older ones to play with baby or toddler. That worked well and as I read her comment I was thinking I need to implement that again. It also helped to build some individual bonds between children.

    Comment by Kim (November 10, 2007 @ 10:09 am )

14. Kim,
    I also had at least 2 years where I divided up the toddler amongst the other children and that really is a wonderful solution, it just doesn’t help when your oldest is 5.

    Comment by Cindy (November 10, 2007 @ 11:48 am )

15. Thank you for trying to remember, Cindy. Your words are very comforting to me. As an aside, I am amazed how many blogs I come across with homeschooling moms telling us their ideas, schedules, and so forth and their oldest child is, oh, I don’t know, 7 years old!

    Comment by Myfriendconnie (November 10, 2007 @ 3:49 pm )

16. I came here via Amy’s Humble Musings and appreciate the wisdom! But I’m lost on the abbreviation “MT”. What is it?

    Comment by Sara C. (November 10, 2007 @ 9:48 pm )

17. Forgive my ignorance, but what is “MT”?

    Comment by Kerry (November 11, 2007 @ 3:22 am )

18. …and please disregard the idiot who posted the above comment. When she found the search function on this blog she found that MT is an entire category and felt really stupid.

    Comment by Kerry (November 11, 2007 @ 5:36 am )

19. This just might be one of the most encouraging mothering posts/comment threads on the net right now. I stumbled over here from Amy’s Humble Musings and I am so glad I did. I feel uplifted and encouraged. I AM doing an okay job. My children will not suffer for having every second creatively planned. It is okay to muddle through! Some days, I feel that is all we do, muddle, and now, that’s okay. Praise God, not every day is a muddle day and I need to remember that too.

    Comment by Thia (November 11, 2007 @ 6:44 am )

20. I wasn’t intending for that last comment to sound mean. I was just thinking about those blogs which seem to speak with such authority on The Best Way to do things. I’m not all that sure myself of what I’m doing and expect that I will continue to modify. It surprises me when younger moms seem so very confident.

    Shutting up now.

    Comment by Myfriendconnie (November 11, 2007 @ 9:04 am )

21. Thanks for your post. My kids are 6, 4, 2 and 2months. I’m trying my best not to muddle but I guess that’s what we do. The purpose of my blog is to write down as much as I can about how I do things in these early years so that I can pass it on to my kids and other moms who ask how I did it.

    Comment by kimm (November 11, 2007 @ 10:01 am )

22. I am a mom with young ones, almost 4 and 1.5 years old. I found this post really encouraging! I don’t have anything to add other than it’s nice to know that muddling through is normal. *grin*

    I do feel like this is as “hard” as it can get for me though, in some ways, since my oldest is not old enough to really help. She can’t watch the baby while I’m in the kitchen, etc, lots of supervision is needed for their play. My saving grace is that the baby loves to be on my back in my Kozy carrier. My girls also spend a lot of time sitting on the counter or playing near me while I’m doing what I need to do. Or we head out to the screen porch and I can relax a bit and read, they can’t get up to too much there.

    I do look forward to the day when I can start something like say organizing a closet or cleaning the bathroom, and just finish it in one sitting, lol. I feel inefficient at times, but that’s life with little ones I know.

    Comment by Elizabeth (November 11, 2007 @ 10:23 am )

23. Water table, no, but I did pull a chair or bench up to the kitchen sink and let the little people paddle in the sink with toy dishes or doll clothes.

    I put water in the high chair tray for a toddler in a high chair to mess about with.

    I also sometimes put a dishpan of about two inches of water on the floor in front of a sitting baby to play in.

    My floors were very clean when I did that, but I had wash a lot of towels.=)

    And then I did let babies and toddlers romp in piles of clean laundry, and sometimes, if the truth be known, unclean laundry.

    I even, sometimes, resorted to doing some read alouds in the bathroom while the littlest ones splashed in the bathtub or finger painted with shaving cream (my mother did this with us- let us use shaving cream for fingerpaint, I mean).

    There was almost an entire year where my good husband did the laundry because I just could not cope. That was the second year after we went from three to five, and the two new children had scabies and gave them to us, and we got rid of them (the scabies, not the children) and their birth mother sent infested clothes and we all got them again, and could not seem to get rid of them, and gave to them our friends who kindly gave them back and I had actually burned all our laundry at one point and sterilized the furniture and rug with harsh chemicals and when a doctor dismissively said to me, “Well if you want to get all psychotic about it you can-” and I interrupted to tell him in no uncertain terms that psychotic was EXACTLY where I wanted to go with this issue, and naturally, my husband was gone with the military for all but the first epidemic, which was the most minor. He was living in an air-conditioned villa with big screen television, daily volley ball games, and a fountain in his front yard during that last and most horrific epidemic. And when he came home he offered to do the laundry for me indefinitely, and I instantly took him up on it.
    He did a good job, too, until his next deployment ten months later, when he gave the job to our oldest two children and never really took it back.

    I always felt like I SHOULD feel guilty for the fact that my husband did the laundry during that ten months, but I could never actually work up any real guilt. I was too tired.

    I have a friend who says that during about that stage of her parenting life, she ate lunch standing up so that she wouldn’t fall asleep on her plate.

    Comment by DeputyHeadmistress (November 11, 2007 @ 12:13 pm )

24. Deputy Headmistress,

    I don’t usually read comment threads, but I’m glad I did today. A+!

    Comment by Amy Scott (November 11, 2007 @ 2:17 pm )

25. Just to clarify…

    Sara C’s comment was not posted when I posted my comment. The “idiot” to which I was referring was myself.

    MT means “Morning Time”, by the way.

    Comment by Kerry (November 11, 2007 @ 6:18 pm )

26. Your too funny, Kerry. Sara’s comment went into moderation for some reason and then when I approved them they came up earlier.

    Comment by Cindy (November 11, 2007 @ 6:19 pm )

27. Visiting from Amy’s Humble Musings…
    “With toddlers You just muddle through.”
    Thank you for such a freeing statement!

    Comment by marian (November 11, 2007 @ 8:30 pm )

28. I KNEW I liked this blog! I am 34, the kiddies are 13,11,8 and 6 and we have a new one on the way. You sound like my parenting twin. If they wants crafty stuff, they do it themselves. We walk, A LOT….I read to them. Some of them napped and the oldest maybe never slept at all.

    Thanks for this encouraging post. I feel so much better now!

    Comment by a different Brandy (November 11, 2007 @ 8:52 pm )

29. Visiting also from Amy’s site. Being a mom of twin 2 year olds and pregnant with our third it is comforting to just hear you will make it through. I worry that having 3 under 3 is going to be what kills me but we will make it through. Something that we already do though is just stay busy, find free activities everywhere. A city parade, library story time, Lowes Build and Grow (free time with hammers) etc. I survive better and they stay happy. The third one might throw a kink in this but it works for us now.

    Jenny

    Comment by Jenny (November 12, 2007 @ 8:06 am )

30. What a great post and comment thread!

    We’ve been doing a Morning Time this year too, with all the kids, and it’s worked well. But at a certain point, when it’s time for reading the history and chapter books aloud…(shhh, don’t tell anyone!)…I put on a movie for the 2 and 5 year old.

    It’s how we’re muddling through right now.

    That, and crayons, colored pencils and Play-Dough. I’m with you–my kids learn to entertain themselves, and they have GREAT imaginations.

    I am finding that spending the whole morning with my olders is making it hard to find time to read with my youngers (more than a couple books at bedtime). Any thoughts on that?

    Jeanne

    Comment by At A Hen's Pace (November 16, 2007 @ 12:46 am )

31. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I do feel as if I muddle through my days. I have a 6,4 and 1 year old. I am trying to homeschool my 6 year old, while at the same time trying to keep the 4 year old entertained and the 1 year old safe. I will definately read here again.

    Comment by Rachel (November 16, 2007 @ 3:46 am )

32. I never spent time making little sand-tables or setting up water play or other creative things with my children. I left the creative play to their imaginations and the only thing I can say is that perhaps their imaginations are too good now.

    Whew… boy does that make me feel better!!

    I came here from Smockity Frocks, and this is the first thing I read. YEAH!! I think I’ll like you. I’m a 30′ish, mom of 5. I think I’ll be bookmarking you — and come back to visit when I have more time to sit and read and read and read… GLEAN!

    Thank you for sharing!

    Comment by ~*~ Jennifer ~*~ (November 17, 2007 @ 7:43 am )

33. “It may be some comfort to some of you that I never spent time making little sand-tables or setting up water play or other creative things with my children. I left the creative play to their imaginations and the only thing I can say is that perhaps their imaginations are too good now. When all is said and done my children had a mother who read to them.”

    THANK YOU for saying this. I have a 2 year old and a 6-month-old. There is so much pressure to do everything!
    My husband found your blog today while searching for Reformed blogs. I love it. But I’m trying not to be intimidated by how much you know about education. I don’t even know what “morning time” is! My mother homeschooled me for 5 years, and I plan to homeschool my children. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed by inadequacy.

    Comment by Ashleigh Griffin (November 28, 2007 @ 3:03 pm )

34. Dear Ashleigh,
    Thank-you for your kind words. I think tomorrow I will repost an old post of mine called Little Things. It is about how I got started doing Morning Time by just doing a tiny bit everyday. Nothing to be intimidated about.

    You can just enjoy those little ones right now. You shouldn’t feel any pressure at all right now. Just enjoy your little ones.

    Comment by Cindy (November 28, 2007 @ 6:23 pm )

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