Fri 26 Oct 2007
I recently received an email from a friend commiserating about being in survival mode. She asked if I had ever been in it. Have I? I sometimes think that we are in survival mode far more than cruise control.
I thought it would be helpful to discuss things that help a homeschooling family cope during times of stress.
The Bible says that to everything there is a season. There are times to prepare elaborate family feasts and times to enjoy a bowl of cereal together. The balance comes from learning to discern the times you are in. Trying to do it all in times of stress is not fair to anyone. Not trying a little harder in the good times is also not conducive to happy family life.
So what are your strategies for survival? Here are a few of mine:
Good habits. When life goes into auto-pilot it really helps if the children automatically do certain things everyday no matter what. Unfortunately, this will not include brushing their teeth without being reminded but hopefully they will know to do their math and read their Bibles no matter what.
Basic schooling: math, reading and written narration. If the reading is extensive this will cover a multitude of sins.
Cereal. By the way, children and adults need Vit D. It helps to pay attention to this one since it is harder to get Vit D when not eating milk and cereal which many families reject. We get our milk fresh from the cow (to feed to our pets. We have a lot of pets ;)) but that means it is not fortified with Vit D but most cereals are fortified. Don’t feel too guilty if your children eat a few bowls of cereal. I am not talking about Fruity Pebbles here but you can buy some sort of bran flakes for $1.50 a box and there is always oatmeal. Make your children like oatmeal. Sugar isn’t necessary but butter and cream help.
Get rid of stuff. The fastest way to cut out stress is not to spend a lot of time caring for things, clothing, etc. Clothing is key here. Buy all white socks. Have the little people wear the same thing to church every week. If you are an American family then my guess is your clothes breed in your closets and your children’s clothes are positively rabbits. If you take bags and bags of clothing to Goodwill this week you will still have bags and bags to take next week. Stuff = Stress. Always.
Cut out all extra activities. I personally believe that most activities are useless time-wasters. If you are in the minivan a lot you are overstressed. I do believe that some things are beneficial but all things are not. It does help boys to be in competitive situations. If times are stressful at your house cut out the activities. Not having to go anywhere is the ultimate panacea.
Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness (Is 61:3). This one is kinda hard but it works.
If you are faithful and disciplined when things are going well you can afford to lose school time to stressful situations. If things are going well, wake up early, do Latin, have MT, try an outside activity, keep it rigorous. When things fall apart relax.
I am not saying anything new here. Just little reminders.
What do you do when life stresses you?
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Dear Cindy,
After sleeping 1 3/4 hours last night this is just the additional shot-in-the-arm I needed besides two cups of coffee with lots of chocolate and whipped cream. :o)
Cereal and paper plates have helped a lot. Scrambled eggs, toast and fruit have been a mainstay, too. I need to work on the stuff management, cut the school schedule, and put on some good praise music. :o) Thanks for this post, great advice. I can’t wait to hear everyone else’s ideas, too.
Comment by Lisa W. (October 26, 2007 @ 9:42 am )
What do I do when stressed?
Exactly as you prescribed!
I CUT OUT ALL OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES.
One particular year (maybe 2 in a row) I determined to grocery shop ONLY once per week at the absolute closest store. I also determined that if I couldnt get it there, then we didnt need it. That year I also paid for everything with paper money - no checks, no debit cards, no credit.
This was before internet connection at my house
Blessings fm GA,
Dana
Comment by Dana (October 26, 2007 @ 10:05 am )
I’m so glad to hear a positive reason for cereal! We have it quite often. And the clothes…I think large families are a magnet for others to give large garbage bags full of clothes to. While I appreciate the gesture most of the time it stresses me more as to what to do with all of them.
One habit I think it is important to cultivate in young children (starting with babies) is the ability to be by themselves for some specified period of time. Sometimes it is just the little day by day things that send me over the edge - such as going over a math concept ten different ways and the child just doesn’t get it. Meanwhile during this time, the toddler has crawled in and out of my lap 100 times, gotten into numerous things they should not, made some mess all over the floor etc. It helps in that time to have them trained to be put somewhere and play. I still have a playpen set up for my two year old and she goes into it every morning for 30min-1 hour, usually while I am doing math with the younger ones. That has helped my stress level a lot.
Comment by Kim (October 26, 2007 @ 10:12 am )
Sunshine! While I agree totally that mothers, esp those feeling stressed, need to limit activities away from the home, I find that I am all too good at not stepping foot out the door all day. Yet my attitude suffers when I confine myself to the four walls of my home. Sunshine, a mere 10-15 minutes of daily (non-sunscreened) exposure, is a major factor in Vitamin D production. God is so good to provide ALL our needs! Sunshine and fresh air are good for our bodies as well as our attitudes!!
BTW, I am a relatively new reader, lured by the many wonderful comments about you from Carmon. And, not to dismiss your precious daughter, but what’s not to love about a woman with eight sons?!!
Pat
Comment by Pat (October 26, 2007 @ 10:20 am )
My tip is don’t teach your children to talk. You have to be strong and not even teach the oldest one to talk, because, as Steve points out, if you teach the oldest to talk, he or she will then teach the next, and so on.
My biggest stress-inducer is when they all want to talk to me at once!
Comment by Carmon (October 26, 2007 @ 10:25 am )
We used to raise our hands and the dinnertable when we all started talking at once like Carmon is mentioning. Then someone would make a list on the blackboard of the order in which we could *tell our story*
Comment by Dana (October 26, 2007 @ 1:34 pm )
We used to horrify family friends when they learned our rule for no talking in the van on regular trips to town/church. We had a 15 passenger in those days and the noise was deafening.
I have a couple of children that could use a turn-off spout. Usually they make good impressions on guests but drive the rest of us crazy. I have perfected the art of glazed-over listening.
Great tip, Pat! Sunshine. Getting out-of-doors does solve many, many things.
Sometime attributed to Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Comment by Cindy (October 26, 2007 @ 1:52 pm )
My tip is: Don’t allow your children to pass their 12th birthday, ‘cuz when they do, it’s all over!! My younger ones may talk a lot and need lots of spankings, but the older ones always have/want to go somewhere! They do really silly, time-consuming things like getting jobs, going to college (I know, I know) and even (imagine the nerve!) planning weddings!!! Argh!!!!! And when you are in a financial situation that doesn’t allow everyone to have his or her own car…well, you know what that means.
You know, I’m not very good at coping with survival mode, either. When things tend to completely fall apart, I come to the conclusion that it’s because I’m not organized enough, so I start making lists, planning meals, restructuring school, etc. which usually just adds more stress to my already stressed life. I NEVER can seem to cut back on things. So, whoever your friend is that’s living in survival mode, know that you are not alone. I’ve been there for 20 years!
Comment by Linda (October 26, 2007 @ 3:27 pm )
Cindy, Would you please email me at LLD61(at)hotmail(dot)com? A friend of mine is moving to the Huntsville area - or thereabouts - and she and I will be roaming around north Alabama in a few weeks looking at possible areas her family might like to live. I have a question about churches… .
Comment by Laura D. (October 26, 2007 @ 4:39 pm )
Oh you guys! You just made me feel better. Misery loves company you know. I have been wondering why I am always in survival mode, and I was just going to go sit down with my planner and try to figure out what the next thing to do is and pray awhile, ( which I will still do). But I feel better not being alone.
My problem is that we do music. And since we have lots of kids, we have lots of lessons and orchestra functions and practice time and going to other family members orchestra performances and did I mention going to lessons…..My husband’s stated goal was to raise a family orchestra!
My other problem is that everyone else in my family other than one son love chaos. They just don’t understand why a messy house drives me up a wall. I mean after all there is always good music playing around here and what more could one want? Oh well…
Oops, I guess there is no help here. I often tell myself though that I will be sad when the mess and chaos are gone, and the kids will be grown soon and that helps perspective some.
Comment by Eva in AZ (October 26, 2007 @ 4:55 pm )
I’m too naive to know what you’re talking about, but *huggggggggg*
Comment by Precious (October 27, 2007 @ 1:39 pm )
Hi! I came over from Andrea at Flourishing Mother - love your blog!
I’m not trying to plug myself at all, but I recently wrote an article about this very topic but with a slight bent towards “survival mode” / living simply when all of your kids are teeny and young…. just the main things God is teaching me with 3 preschoolers.
http://www.goodlikeamedicine.com/2007/09/01/keeping-it-simple-with-little-ones/
(I hope your comments don’t think this is spam!)
Anyway, I am pretty far behind most of you because my kids aren’t even schoolage yet, but it gets pretty hectic around my house sometimes with a 3, 2, and 1 year-old! Do you remember those days???!!! Please write a post about surviving when none of them can dress themselves yet - I’d love to hear your advice!!!
God bless you!
Kristi
Comment by Kristi (October 27, 2007 @ 6:52 pm )
Ooh, Cindy, I love that poem, too. So great!
Comment by Kristi (October 27, 2007 @ 6:55 pm )
I really appreciate such practical posts. I, too, love the poem. I haven’t memorized much poetry; but, I think that would be a lovely one to learn.
Comment by Laura (October 27, 2007 @ 9:22 pm )
Andrea sent me your way, and I’m glad she did! Your simple suggestions aren’t always *easy* to accomplish, but so very effective when achieved.
I read in a homeschooling book one time that it’s good to have a rut to run in. She meant that it’s good to develop habits, so that every day doesn’t have to be reinvented, smooth days can be rigorous, and stressful days can be more relaxing–because the energy required to reinvent is draining and stressful. Your post provides a practical, doable list of things to dig the rut.
Comment by Ann Kroeker (October 28, 2007 @ 5:27 pm )
A clean house always makes me feel better.
Usually when we were really busy the house mysteriously got trashed. So rather than cleaning it myself or calling all to muster and to stand ready for orders, I would, with smirking face, casually walk through the house and examine the disaster while watching the children work like a T5 tornado to make it worse. As I went from room to room I would make a list of everything that needed to be cleaned cataloging each chore under the room name. For example under the “kitchen” heading, There would be wipe back counter, sweep floor, etc. Each room was broken down into very do-able chores.Making the list like this was important and you’ll see why in a second.
Making the list was a relaxing activity for me especially in light of the fact that the kids would be doing the chores.
Then with great joy and enthusiasm I would hollar, “Okay everybody! It’s time to get ready for ice cream!” They muster very quickly that way. As soon as the house was cleaned they could have their ice cream. They stood in a single file line and each took a turn writing their name next to the chore that they picked. They inevitably pick the easiest first but all chores are eventually claimed and then…Ready set go! The whole house is cleaned in a matter of an hour or 2, depending on the size of the mess.
With the master sheet in hand you are able to play “inspector” knowing who was responsible to clean what. After the inspection is done and approved the ice cream party begins. The kids where always helpful in getting out bowls, spoons, and icecream for you so you could complete the inspection.
We didn’t always bribe them with ice cream. But it was always a welcome surprise when we did.
As the kids got older they would just pick a whole room instead of one chore in this room and one chore in that room. Having already learned every chore that was to be done in each room, they now had a standard as to what was to be done in each room. House cleaning still gets done in an hour to 2 hours and I can even eat ice cream while they do it!
Comment by Miss Kelly (October 31, 2007 @ 3:56 pm )