The Scientific American has just posted a study explaining that mothers of sons live shorter lives. The article while completely flawed by evolutionary presuppositions is still interesting. As a mother of 8 boys I should expect to live 34X8 weeks less than mothers of girls. I wish! I can think of a thousand reasons why I will die much younger than my friends with girls, starting with the kitchen moving through the drawers and closets and ending in the bathroom.

Younger mothers of boys often stop me to ask various questions. Sunday a competent young mother was walking behind me while her small son was logically trying to badger her into getting his way. I did not butt in. But seeing me she did stop and say, “What do you do about that?” I felt so bad for her. He was 4 years away from the didactic stage! I told her she must put aside her training in logic and learn how to stand firm like a woman, apart from all logical attacks from male family members. If you try to outsmart them or out argue them you are doomed before you start. God has made you a woman and you are not bound by the rules of logic. You must not try to earn your authority over the male. Never let them think you are vying for authority. Wear you authority like a string of pearls, an aromatic elixir, a new pair of shoes.

Remember the hedgehog in Montaigne.

Remember the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

For example, your son comes to you with a request to go to a Bible study. A weak, logical mother will be tempted to think this is such a spiritual activity that no one in her right mind would say no. But you are a woman and therefore a fool. You do not think about all the things your son is telling you about the wonderful speaker and the great fellowship. You ask a few pointless questions. These pointless questions throw the seeker off guard. In the inanity of your questions the truth comes out. The seeker does not want to study the Bible; he wants to play ping-pong. Now you are in control. You can say, “Yes you may go play ping-pong because you have read Augustine’s Confessions today,” or you can say, “No way !! Have you smelled the bathroom?” When he argues, look him in the eye and say, “phooey.”

The ability to defy logic is the only way we can keep the female species alive long enough to produce more males.

  Leave a Comment »