Thu 10 May 2007
Recently, in light of Carmon’s post on negative homeschooling press, I have been thinking of all the things that make a woman look haggard.
Working 8 hour days and coming home to take care of a family
Nursing a baby
Early pregnancy. I bet she feels like Amy, the Haggard these days.
Late pregnancy
Having 1 toddler
The flu
Cancer
Auto-immune disease. I know someone who lost all of her hair along with her vanity.
Having 2 toddlers
Carrying a baby to church
Sitting with a toddler in church
Having twins
Taking care of the sick
Taking meals to the needy
Reading too late at night
Rising also while it is still night
Some husbands 
Having 3 toddlers
Cleaning the house
Planning a wedding
Gardening
Feeling alone
Being disconnected from the head
Talking to teenagers until the wee hours (Hey, folks, its got to be done.)
Bad genes
Bad jeans
Talking to teenagers in the wee hours of the night and then waking up early to nurse the baby
Low iron
Straying children
Straying husbands
Laundry
Unit studies
Diapers
Sick children
Conflict
Life
Can you think of anything else?
Seriously though, I certainly don’t think looking haggard should be a goal but I also know that sometimes faithful women don’t look good. Even one baby can wreck havoc on a mom’s rest. I frequently joke that 10 years of my life were a blur. I lost all my earrings during those years and never had time to purchase more. I stopped wearing make-up at 29 and began again at 40. There is a season of life called “haggard.” You don’t have to wallow in it but you probably can’t avoid it.
I Samuel 16:7
“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
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Unit studies-LOL. Good one.
Very well said, Cindy.
Comment by lady laura (May 10, 2007 @ 4:17 pm )
That makes me feel a LOT better, especially the part about leaving off make up in your 30’s.
Now I’d better go dig out a lipstick.
Comment by Meredith (May 10, 2007 @ 4:20 pm )
My biggies are allergies, poor eating habits and being out of shape.
Comment by Valerie (Kyriosity) (May 10, 2007 @ 6:12 pm )
Homeschooling conferences :-).
Comment by Carmon (May 10, 2007 @ 6:15 pm )
Call me crazy, but I eagerly look forward to the haggard days!
Comment by Elizabeth at A Biblical Home (May 10, 2007 @ 6:57 pm )
…too much coffee–not enough coffee; moving out–moving in–moving up; hair color not in stock.
I guess the short list would be what would make a homeschool mother look ‘unhaggard’?
Comment by Julia (May 10, 2007 @ 9:00 pm )
Don’t you all think we should post pictures of our old haggard selves. That would be funny. Mine would be in full make-up though.
Comment by Janet (May 10, 2007 @ 9:11 pm )
Bad genes
Bad jeans
You are hilarious!
I am linking this tomorrow, girl!
Comment by Miz Booshay (May 10, 2007 @ 9:33 pm )
Good list, Cindy! I always figured I would get old one way or another. I might as well do it doing something worthwhile…
Comment by Eva in AZ (May 10, 2007 @ 10:21 pm )
Cindy, tears are actually falling. This post is like a big hug. Thank you.
Comment by Ruthanne (May 10, 2007 @ 10:30 pm )
Toddlers and teenagers…when did you say this haggard season was going to end?
Comment by Karen Glass (May 11, 2007 @ 3:04 am )
It isn’t really going to end because I forgot to mention HORMONES. About the time your babies let you sleep at night your hormones don’t. :
Comment by Cindy (May 11, 2007 @ 6:13 am )
LOL — root canals. DH and I both had one recently and both looked pretty haggard before, during and after : ).
Comment by willa (May 11, 2007 @ 6:58 am )
ok, make me cry, ok.
I needed to hear this.
how about having a teenager to talk to, AND a toddler. You didn’t do that combo.
Comment by andrea (May 11, 2007 @ 7:00 am )
God, in his wisdom, made relative youth the haggard age. When I was 20 something and worked, I only got about five hours of sleep a night (long story). By the time I had a child at 31, I knew I had to slow down or something bad would happen. I learned to drive more slowly and eat better. Despite lack of sleep, chasing toddlers, and illness, there’s a lot of wisdom in traditional feminine roles, as long as we don’t try to live up to someone else’s image (on either or any end of the cultural spectrum).
Also, we should remember that most people in most ages would’ve looked haggard by our standards. Honestly, the thought of keeping up with todays’ standards is what makes me feel the most haggard!
Comment by Laura A (May 11, 2007 @ 7:54 am )
Quit looking in my mirror! I think I stopped make-up a little earlier than you- we lived on a tropical island and it melted off as fast as it went on. I could never figure how other people managed. And just this last year I have tried it again from time to time. Such leisure I have now that the baby is 8.
And hormones?! I got up at 5 a.m this morning for no reason at all.
Okay, seriously, the more I read from the man who called us haggard, the more I think Stepford Wives.
Comment by DeputyHeadmistress (May 11, 2007 @ 8:48 am )
P.S. Other things that have made me look really, really haggard:
Helping care for a friend and her children when her husband was deployed and she had surgery.
Taking care of three kids with croup at the same time.
Taking care of five kids with chicken pox at the same time.
Letting a homeless family live with us for a couple of months.
Taking a single mother in labor to the hospital and staying with her while she had her baby because there was nobody else.
Studying for finals the two years I was in college.
Getting up at the crack of dawn to greet the two children of a single working mom- we babysat them for free for several months so that she could homeschool them in the evening.
car accidents
Church camp
Working on the ‘bus ministry’ in high school
Needing gall bladder surgery for months without realizing it
Spending a week at the hospital with a dying relative
have a child in emergency surgery
yardwork and clean up at the church building
Picking up two new children two weeks before Christmas, with 24 hours notice. With no beds, clothes, or shoes for the new children.
Staying up late with a friend stressed over her marriage, her children, and her in-laws.
Eating too much popcorn and chocolate while staying up late for a girls’ night of chick flicks.
Learning that a friend needs brain surgery.
Fasting and praying into the night for that brain surgery.
Like your list, some of these things are worthy, some are not. Some are avoidable and some were not. Some haggardness is a side effect of doing what I am supposed to be doing, some comes from not doing what I am supposed to be doing.
Comment by DeputyHeadmistress (May 11, 2007 @ 9:15 am )
I can so relate to the hormonal sleeplessness. Sometimes I’m up for an hour or two in the middle of the night and inevitably I’m awake far too early in the morning no matter how little sleep I’ve had. Oh well, I’ll only have around fifteen more years of that (my mother went through menopause at age 58) and then I can suffer from old age sleeplessness like all the elderly people I know.
Comment by Jeannine (May 11, 2007 @ 11:09 am )
Cindy,
This was great and much needed! I did feel a little better after my blog tirade to Dr. Trueman; which prevented me from looking haggard after reading his post. Deputy Headmistress, is right, sometimes our haggardness is due to our not doing what we need to do, sometimes it’s because of serving God. I know that I need to examine that in my life.
It was more than a little frustrating that he was attributing their haggardness due to their homeschooling… I guess all those non-homeschoolers live on easy street and never look haggard
And I thought that I was the only one who didn’t wear makeup in my 30’s and started again at 40. Maybe there is something magical about that age… wouldn’t want to venture a guess as to what it is though.
:idea:Cindy, maybe you need a haggard smiley that we can put in our posts on those haggard days.
Comment by Lora K. (May 11, 2007 @ 1:58 pm )
Having to justify our family and life choices to eveyone and their dog…especially those people who should be suppoting us.
Comment by Elizabeth (May 11, 2007 @ 3:12 pm )
“Being disconnected from the head”–oops, I read that one too fast–kept thinking of Anne Boleyn.
My teenager (wanna-be cosmetician) gave me some makeup for my birthday this year. I guess that was a hint.
Comment by Mama Squirrel (May 11, 2007 @ 4:58 pm )
I think I need a nap. Thank you for reminding me!
Comment by jen (May 11, 2007 @ 5:56 pm )
I may be late, but…
Thinking and praying long into the night for teens (and toddlers…and ‘tweens)
Poor eating habits
Poor (or nonexistent) exercise habits
Worrying about vehicles that break down on an almost daily basis
Worrying about financial issues
Worrying about (fill in the blank)
Notice that most of these are sin issues, except of course the praying. I think most of my haggardness is a result of sin, although life in general certainly plays a part.
Comment by Linda (May 12, 2007 @ 2:10 pm )
Love this series of posts, not wonder I feel haggard. I have twins and homeschool and have a toddler and I need some new jeans.
Thanks.
Comment by Athena (May 13, 2007 @ 8:09 pm )
You forgot the potty training struggle haggardness…..
Comment by Lana C. (May 22, 2007 @ 12:15 pm )