Things are jumping around here with Timothy home. I haven’t had much time to contemplate but the good news is that it is that time again. The CBD Fiction catalog has arrived. I didn’t mean to make this a regular feature but it is just too easy.

1. Norah’s Ark by Judy Baer. My eyes fell here first and I couldn’t resist. Norah has an animal bed and breakfast and a motely assortment of pets….”so when policeman Nick enters on two legs, it makes for a nice change. There’s only one problem: this potential Mr Right is ‘animal averse.’ Will their romance drive him barking mad?”

[1] Policeman Nick who hates animals? I think I know him!! May I suggest an alternate[2] Nick and Nora?

2. Bright Are the Stars by Al and Jo Anna Lacy: “Follow the trails and trials of displaced Native Amereicans who suffered unspeakable cruelty at the hands of U.S. soldiers during their enforced exile.”

Wow, that is a load of language. This is the story of what U.S. soldiers did before they pillaged Iraq, I guess. I am glad to see that Christians don’t shy away from using PC lanuage. Not to worry this book is from the team that also brought us Mail Order Bride.

3.The Spa Girl series Calm,Cool & Adjusted by Kristen Billerbeck “Forever friends Morgan Malliard, Poppy Clayton and Lilly Jacobs live completely separate lives and catch-up at California Spa Del Mar. Chiropractor Poppy….”

Forever friends? These women are college graduates and we all know how smart that makes one. The gist of the book is that Poppy can’t seem to get a second date. Maybe she needs to drop her forever friends. Maybe she needed to drop them after 6th grade. I think I have made fun of the Spa Girl Series before. I just can’t help it.

4. The Rapture a Prequel to Left Behind by those 2 rich guys. “How do Rayford, Chloe and Buck fare from heaven’s viewpoint?”

A PREQUEL to Left Behind? This is horrible news!! Aren’t 12 volumes of Pseudo-theological fiction enough? Still one might be tempted to find out what they are doing and thinking up in Heaven. Where are the Puritans when you need them? May I suggest a time travel book featuring John Owen and Jeremiah Burroughs visiting our churches? Seriously.

If that isn’t enough our daring duo have also written John’s Story The Last Eyewitness and the beginning of the new series The Jesus Chronicles. I think I know where this one came from. Maybe our duo doesn’t like the competition. Another duo has written [3] The Last Disciple and they won’t be having a rapture prequel.

5. Heartstrings Presents (176 pgs each) Bayou Secrets, Always a Bridesmaid, Thunder Bay, Sagebrush Christmas, Duet Love.

Anyone want to take a title from that list and try writing 10,000 words for the [4] NaNo contest? It might be fun.

Consider this post social commentary. It really isn’t too different from making fun of inflatable decorations. I don’t think there is any difference at all between air, plastic and these ‘Christian’ books. We are just way too affluent and we are destroying ourselves.

Some do it with Hamish Macbeth some do it with a Christian Fiction novel. I bet George Macdonald is turning over in his grave.

It is time to break out The Brother’s Karamazov. Sometimes it takes a Russian.

Wouldn’t it be fun to write these sorts of blurbs for classic novels?
Feel free to try in the comments.