Wed 6 Sep 2006
I really didn’t intend to blog about this subject anymore but today I got quite sad thinking about it.
It seems to me that the Apostle Paul certainly understood that Christians would disagree, argue and fight. And it also seems to me that there is a great danger in I Corinthians 6:1 of losing your shirt. After all some Christians are going to take that verse to mean they can treat you any way they want to treat you and you can’t do a thing about it nanny-nanny-boo-boo.
How many times have you regretted giving a contract to a Christian brother?
How many times have you met people with Jesus in their hearts and dollar signs in their eyes?
But after all that is the point, isn’t it? Shouldn’t being defrauded make us happy sort of like:
Matthew 10:11 (ESV)
“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
Eventually when dealing with fights among children a mother will not be able to get to the bottom of an issue. She can then beat all involved or appeal to her children to let themselves be wronged and misunderstood. I have found, for the most part, in family squabbles, the best way out for all parties in confusing situations is just to let it go, to let someone treat you unfairly and not hold a grudge. I think that is what living in a family is all about. Living in a family is not about getting my way. It is about learning to live among each other deferring and preferring and forgiving.
I Corinthians 6:1-11
(ESV)
6:1 When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? 2 Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? 3 Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! 4 So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? 5 I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, 6 but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? 7 To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? 8 But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers!9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
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Thought-provoking post with good verses and practical applications (family squabbles), but there is also a place for wisdom. By that, I mean, after being dupped once or twice, surely one will refrain for entering into a contract with said Christian again.
From one of my favorite authors, George Roche, who wrote a book entitled One by One, quotes Milton Friedman on pg 107 for the purpose helping us know how make wise decisions:
If your corporation goes out to buy a valve, you dont ask, *Is there somebody who went to the same school I did that produces that valve?* You ask, *Who is producing the valve that will serve the interests of my company best, that will fit into my product best?*
I take the phrase *same school* and insert *same church* or insert *is there a Christian* out there who…..
At any rate, your assessment is correct and that is sad, which is your opening line.
Comment by Dana (September 7, 2006 @ 5:25 am )
I have found, for the most part, in family squabbles, the best way out for all parties in confusing situations is just to let it go, to let someone treat you unfairly and not hold a grudge. I think that is what living in a family is all about. Living in a family is not about getting my way. It is about learning to live among each other deferring and preferring and forgiving.
So true. Can I bring something out that I think is implicit in your post? Living in a family is not about seeing that truth is established and justice is done. We should seek to be just and truthful in our own actions, and to teach our children to seek the same. But we shouldn’t delude ourselves into thinking that we are capable of determining the exact truth or meting out perfect justice, or—worse—that the attempt is always worth the cost.
My lowest points as a father have come when I insisted on establishing “what actually happened” so that I could punish the various parties appropriately. At best I squeezed a penny of good out of the situation, and probably did a million dollars worth of damage in the process.
I also think this is true when it comes to dealing with our brothers and sisters in Christ. I may see unrighteousness in the family. I may know exactly how it should be resolved. I may even be right. But I need to weigh any cost that would be incurred in reaching that proper resolution, and think long and hard about whether it is too high a price a pay.
So much damage has been done in the church in the name of truth and justice, and so little good has resulted, that we should probably start with the assumption that we should normally never speak ill of anyone (fellow Christian or not), and then consider carefully if a situation is worth breaking this rule for. (I happen to think that your Gothard posts are one such situation.)
Comment by Rick Saenz (September 7, 2006 @ 9:16 am )
Hey Cindy,
How exactly does one go about the task of teaching children “deferring and preferring and forgiving?” (A most superior trivium, IMO ;)) I’ve been trying to teach this to my boys, but don’t think the message is getting through. Well, they’re okay on the forgiving part, it’s the other two. What do you do when they complain that their brother doesn’t get punished enough and gets away with murder since he’s younger and more sensitive, etc. They’re pretty concerned about truth and justice, but miss the grace part. Is there a line between teaching them to defer and be willing to be wronged vs. teaching them to defend themselves or stick up for what’s right? Any suggestions you have would be most appreciated. (My children are ages 14 and under.)
BTW, we’re on our second week of doing morning time where we memorize hymns, poems, and scripture passages. I’m shocked at what they’ve accomplished so far. I should’ve started this years ago! I would not have entertained the idea of learning poetry had it come from someone who only had girls. Your guys seem to be coming out manly and verbally competent (a feat I once deemed impossible). Thanks for your inspiration.
Comment by Jo (September 7, 2006 @ 1:24 pm )
Well, I have to admit that is the question! I was wondering if anyone would ask it, Jo
I can’t say that I am any more successful than the next guy but I still keep trying and I trust that the Holy Spirit will take my feeble, failing efforts and bring forth fruit in my children.
Basically, my efforts consist of bringing the Gospel to the table always.
Of course, I also believe in justice. It isn’t good to create an environment where the guilty are never punished. It is just the wronged person always has the choice to let it go. The judge (mother or father) may not have that choice.
Comment by Cindy (September 7, 2006 @ 3:02 pm )